Tear Ducts...

Some friends of mine have been asking me as of late about how often i cry..As of May 19 2005 I have drained all my tear ducts dry..Nothing left.. Why you ask? This is what happened a year and two weeks ago...


Kuwait Airport May 19 2005 12 am

"Yalla baba give this to the guy in that ugly beige unifrom and get yourself checked in your plane is in less then an hour", My father orders grumpily handing me my passport while adjusting my baby sister on his chest.

I stare at the guy in the ugly beige miltary unifrom who starts to grin at me sheepishly as if knowing he looked goofy in his uniform...

Putting her hand on my shoulder, my mother startles me out of my trance. I was pouting dissatisfied and upset. I do a 180 degree turn and start walking away from the gate and past my brother who was lounging lazily on the hard plastic blue chairs and bluetoothing someone..

"Mariam where are you going?"My dad says to my retreating back clearly upset.

"Im not going"I repily over my shoulder

"What? What do you mean your not going?"He fairly shouts causing the 15 other soon to be passengers of Olympic Airways to openly stare at us..

I turn around and march right up to him dragging my handbag with me, "Im not going to Canada..You cant make me!!"

He stares at me baffled shifts my sister to his other shoulder,"You dont want to go? You dont want to go to University back home?"

I glare at him and toss my head,"No I dont want to go and I dont give a damn about University..I'll study anything here..Media or something"I say trying to sound brave.

My mom makes her appearance out of nowhere from behind me..I could have sworn she was behind my dad..And she smacks the back of my head...MY MOTHER WHO NEVER HITS ME.. SMACKED ME ACCROSS THE HEAD IN PUBLIC IN FRONT OF 16 OTHER WITNESSES..

Before I could recover my shock she turns me around puts her palm on my cheek and says in a very menacing voice "Your going to Canada..Your going to go and study..You will make me proud ..Understood?"

I stare at her both her hurt and shocked..My father and brother are speechless..My mother never ever makes public displays and never ever says anything whispering like she was now..
She puts her hands on my shoulders and shakes me so hard My shala slides down an inch..
"Do you understand me young lady?"She repeats louder now..

**PLease keep in mind the threats were issued in BOTH english and arabic..Just in case those around us cannot understand one they would have the other**

I look down at my gold sandals and say barely whispering "I dont want to go though.." She lifts my chin slightly so we are eye level and pulls me down to her height..

"I dont want to repeat myself Mariam..You go on your own two feet or am I going to have to call security and they will drag you in kicking and screaming"She says now calmer.

I strighten up to my height look down at her I turn to my dad and I say shouting my voice breaking "I DONT WANT TO GO..YOU CANT MAKE ME GO!!!" I drop the handbag and try to walk past my mom.

She grabs my arm and practically drags me while she walks towards the gate, leaving my dad and my brother in her wake.

**For a small lady who is like 3/4 of my height and 1/4 of my weight she was strong!**

"I hate yoooooooooooooou"I say now openly crying..

**I never cry and I NEVER EVER cry in public..**

"Inchabi zan 3a6atich weeh ana" she says handing the startled gaurd my passport and shoving me infront of him..The tears where coming down like waterfalls now..Silent but heavey..

"I dont want to go..I don't want to goo..Please Please Please dont make me go"I say patheticly choking on my sobs..

My mom turns me away from the poor guard to face her..Her face was now in its regular expression..Affection with a touch of mischevious humour..Now it also had some compassion but only a bit.. She grabs me and hugs me close to her where she whispered in my ear,"Your going to be just fine, and your going to have the best time of your life" She strightens away kissing both my cheeks and passes me like a treat to over to my dad..Who tapped my head like a dog and gave me an air kiss..My bro came up at that moment slapping me hard across my back "Bye bye Mariiamoooo"

My dad now shoves me towards the gate and handing my handbag to the poor gaurd..I was walking in blurry daze..When I heard out of no where "Mariam..Nooooooooooooooooooo"My baby sister woke up...

I could not handle it anymore..I broke out niagra falls right there and then...

**I dont cry like this..Never..Ok mabye only in Ashura but not like this!!I was crying really crying..Not those pretty snuffles with one or two tears..Nope I had the coughing chocking runny nose and the snorting...**

After my dad brought over my sister to kiss I was doubting my ablity to see.. Walking past the gate now I look back at my family..My mother and father and brother(heartless wala) were waving at me merrily not even acknowleding my tears..The only one who had the heart was my baby sis..She was letting her tears loose too..I choked back another sob and somehow made it to the waiting area..

I was already late so I was hurried into the airplane and ushered into the window seat with a british couple..Let me tell you people..From Kuwait to Athens its 7 and a half hours..I was crying the whole way..I was crying so loud and distrubingly that this adorable newlywed kuwaiti couple who were up in first class(I was in bussiness) came by to my seat wondering if they could do anything for me to calm me down...I told them I want my mom..

I landed in Athens with red eyes puffy cheeks and swallon lips. I was a bit calmer but as soon as I boarded air canada I saw this teenager and her mother laughing heads together at a magizine..I let it go..Agian.. And so I stayed like that till I reached Montreal..Athens to Montreal 14 hours...Yup havent slept yet havent eaten havent spoken a word other then I want my mommy and havent stopped crying for more then a half an hour...

Reaching Montreal airport and going through customs hearing canadiene english and french calmed me down somewhat..I made it thru baggage and through customs with only quiet tears.. I see my uncle and my other brother waiting for me at arrivals..I see my uncles resemblance to my mom when he smiles and the way my brother holds himself also just like my mom..I let it go..agian...So yea Montreal to Ottawa..Huge sobs..Montreal to Ottawa 2 hours and 45 minutes..

After thinking Im going to cry myself to death..I make it to my grandmas house..She lets out a small sob seeing me after two years..I let it out..Agian... For me and my grandma to calm down..approx. 4 hours

This was May 19 2006 8 pm Canadian Time..

Ikseer Kha6eer roo7i walaa..lol...