Sunday, May 28, 2006

Tear Ducts...

Some friends of mine have been asking me as of late about how often i cry..As of May 19 2005 I have drained all my tear ducts dry..Nothing left.. Why you ask? This is what happened a year and two weeks ago...


Kuwait Airport May 19 2005 12 am

"Yalla baba give this to the guy in that ugly beige unifrom and get yourself checked in your plane is in less then an hour", My father orders grumpily handing me my passport while adjusting my baby sister on his chest.

I stare at the guy in the ugly beige miltary unifrom who starts to grin at me sheepishly as if knowing he looked goofy in his uniform...

Putting her hand on my shoulder, my mother startles me out of my trance. I was pouting dissatisfied and upset. I do a 180 degree turn and start walking away from the gate and past my brother who was lounging lazily on the hard plastic blue chairs and bluetoothing someone..

"Mariam where are you going?"My dad says to my retreating back clearly upset.

"Im not going"I repily over my shoulder

"What? What do you mean your not going?"He fairly shouts causing the 15 other soon to be passengers of Olympic Airways to openly stare at us..

I turn around and march right up to him dragging my handbag with me, "Im not going to Canada..You cant make me!!"

He stares at me baffled shifts my sister to his other shoulder,"You dont want to go? You dont want to go to University back home?"

I glare at him and toss my head,"No I dont want to go and I dont give a damn about University..I'll study anything here..Media or something"I say trying to sound brave.

My mom makes her appearance out of nowhere from behind me..I could have sworn she was behind my dad..And she smacks the back of my head...MY MOTHER WHO NEVER HITS ME.. SMACKED ME ACCROSS THE HEAD IN PUBLIC IN FRONT OF 16 OTHER WITNESSES..

Before I could recover my shock she turns me around puts her palm on my cheek and says in a very menacing voice "Your going to Canada..Your going to go and study..You will make me proud ..Understood?"

I stare at her both her hurt and shocked..My father and brother are speechless..My mother never ever makes public displays and never ever says anything whispering like she was now..
She puts her hands on my shoulders and shakes me so hard My shala slides down an inch..
"Do you understand me young lady?"She repeats louder now..

**PLease keep in mind the threats were issued in BOTH english and arabic..Just in case those around us cannot understand one they would have the other**

I look down at my gold sandals and say barely whispering "I dont want to go though.." She lifts my chin slightly so we are eye level and pulls me down to her height..

"I dont want to repeat myself Mariam..You go on your own two feet or am I going to have to call security and they will drag you in kicking and screaming"She says now calmer.

I strighten up to my height look down at her I turn to my dad and I say shouting my voice breaking "I DONT WANT TO GO..YOU CANT MAKE ME GO!!!" I drop the handbag and try to walk past my mom.

She grabs my arm and practically drags me while she walks towards the gate, leaving my dad and my brother in her wake.

**For a small lady who is like 3/4 of my height and 1/4 of my weight she was strong!**

"I hate yoooooooooooooou"I say now openly crying..

**I never cry and I NEVER EVER cry in public..**

"Inchabi zan 3a6atich weeh ana" she says handing the startled gaurd my passport and shoving me infront of him..The tears where coming down like waterfalls now..Silent but heavey..

"I dont want to go..I don't want to goo..Please Please Please dont make me go"I say patheticly choking on my sobs..

My mom turns me away from the poor guard to face her..Her face was now in its regular expression..Affection with a touch of mischevious humour..Now it also had some compassion but only a bit.. She grabs me and hugs me close to her where she whispered in my ear,"Your going to be just fine, and your going to have the best time of your life" She strightens away kissing both my cheeks and passes me like a treat to over to my dad..Who tapped my head like a dog and gave me an air kiss..My bro came up at that moment slapping me hard across my back "Bye bye Mariiamoooo"

My dad now shoves me towards the gate and handing my handbag to the poor gaurd..I was walking in blurry daze..When I heard out of no where "Mariam..Nooooooooooooooooooo"My baby sister woke up...

I could not handle it anymore..I broke out niagra falls right there and then...

**I dont cry like this..Never..Ok mabye only in Ashura but not like this!!I was crying really crying..Not those pretty snuffles with one or two tears..Nope I had the coughing chocking runny nose and the snorting...**

After my dad brought over my sister to kiss I was doubting my ablity to see.. Walking past the gate now I look back at my family..My mother and father and brother(heartless wala) were waving at me merrily not even acknowleding my tears..The only one who had the heart was my baby sis..She was letting her tears loose too..I choked back another sob and somehow made it to the waiting area..

I was already late so I was hurried into the airplane and ushered into the window seat with a british couple..Let me tell you people..From Kuwait to Athens its 7 and a half hours..I was crying the whole way..I was crying so loud and distrubingly that this adorable newlywed kuwaiti couple who were up in first class(I was in bussiness) came by to my seat wondering if they could do anything for me to calm me down...I told them I want my mom..

I landed in Athens with red eyes puffy cheeks and swallon lips. I was a bit calmer but as soon as I boarded air canada I saw this teenager and her mother laughing heads together at a magizine..I let it go..Agian.. And so I stayed like that till I reached Montreal..Athens to Montreal 14 hours...Yup havent slept yet havent eaten havent spoken a word other then I want my mommy and havent stopped crying for more then a half an hour...

Reaching Montreal airport and going through customs hearing canadiene english and french calmed me down somewhat..I made it thru baggage and through customs with only quiet tears.. I see my uncle and my other brother waiting for me at arrivals..I see my uncles resemblance to my mom when he smiles and the way my brother holds himself also just like my mom..I let it go..agian...So yea Montreal to Ottawa..Huge sobs..Montreal to Ottawa 2 hours and 45 minutes..

After thinking Im going to cry myself to death..I make it to my grandmas house..She lets out a small sob seeing me after two years..I let it out..Agian... For me and my grandma to calm down..approx. 4 hours

This was May 19 2006 8 pm Canadian Time..

Ikseer Kha6eer roo7i walaa..lol...

27 Comments:

Blogger ScarlO said...

I'm leaving for good next week
*hugs*

I just put new ducts the other day, allah yesam7ech :*

1:52 AM  
Blogger LiLaCs said...

:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O waaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Leaving where? Leaving what exactly?

1:55 AM  
Blogger No3iK said...

aaaaaaaaaaw u totally broke my heart girl :`(

reading ur post was so confusing, i kept going from:
"aaaaaaaaw :(" to " heheheheh :)"
so .... full of ups and downs
i already love ur family, allah e`7alehum 7agich inshalah :)
best of luck sis.

2:07 AM  
Blogger LiLaCs said...

No3ik--Are you always so..so...so...nice..I dont know alot of you people who are just..wel..nice..Its scary..lol@loving my family..insane heartless brute I tell ya!!

2:36 AM  
Blogger No3iK said...

looooooooooooooooooooooool

yeah specially your "heartless" brother,
reminds me a lot of mine :p hehehehe
but brothers are supposed to be this way! aren't they?
that's what i keep saying to myself? ;P
ummmmmm , ur mother part was sooo funny yet touching.
any ways, i'm glad u think I'm nice, I'm not really always nice u know i can be a meany sometimes >:]

3:07 AM  
Blogger Sedna said...

:( 7abeeeebti

Ahh... I feel for you babe. Been through simliar situation. Leaving Kuwait used to KILL me. I'd sob for a day or two....

But then I went through the "I'm never ever going to cry in public again" phase...been holding it up ever since :D

4:03 AM  
Blogger A Daydreamer said...

at the top of the post your wrote 2005 and at the end you wrote 2006... which one is it lady!? :P

wallah kasarti 5a6ri!!! i dont think i couldve cried that much in public, but i wouldve easily broke down as soon as i reached my house... but wasnt your mom right? arent you having a great time in cananda? when are you going to kuwait?

7:26 AM  
Blogger ZiZoTiMe said...

So you're in Love with Kuwait? I know it from the beginning of the post... God I'm smart :P

So Do u wanna come back to Q8 or is it like home in Canada? ;)

8:26 AM  
Blogger Dandoon said...

Awww 7aram waay kisartay kha6ri wana agra your post:(

9:52 AM  
Anonymous BintElShia said...

awww... Lilac sweetheart. *wipes tears* Lilac, don't worry, I'm here for you. But it's actually easier reading it than hearing it from you... ughhh... when you told me the story, I wanted to cry. I was waiting for a tear drop from you so I can start...

I hate goodbye moments. they're horrible. Especially when you have a lot of relatives. lol. I rememeber crying so much, and by the time I got to my grandma, I ran out of tears!!! lol.

12:17 PM  
Blogger LiLaCs said...

No3ik--I raised thatr ungratful brat!!! Lol..:P Everyone is sometimes meany;) Makes us human:P

Sedno--My first and last public display of emotion:p Now I dont cry public or otherwise..its gone all gone..:P

Daydreamer--lol sharp girl!! I think I wrote that poste at one in morning when talking on the phone and four people on msn**trying really really hard to make an excuse for herself:p**
I reached my grandma's house I adore canada..Kuwait I may be going back in the end of August or during Christmas Break,depends..

Zizoo--ba5ishak..Im afraid someone will want to kidnap you and then use you for human experiments:P
Canada is home..Kuwait was like a long extended vacation..That got a bit too stuffy...:P It must have been you sucking up all the oxegen..Ya dub...


Dandoon---I know eh? ;)Iksart kha6ar roo7i:P

Bintelshia--I know I know..its my facial features that demand immediate attention..:P

1:01 PM  
Blogger ScarlO said...

Yeppers

Me leaves Kuwait and goes to Ireland, babes. Might visit yous in Canada too, as mom's hubby has a home there.

2:34 PM  
Blogger LiLaCs said...

OOooOOooohh SO your going to go leave in Ireland?!?!?! And where in Canada exactly..If your in Ontario girl we are sooo hooking up:P

2:46 PM  
Blogger LiLaCs said...

ok embrassing...Leave=live ok? sheesh

2:55 PM  
Blogger jiji said...

i could not stop laughin when i noticed how u didnt forget to mention the 16 witnesses to ur family melodrama ;p LOL

glad everything worked out hun.. i wish sum1 in my family made me do anythin :/ i always played.. was never serious :/ ooh well am graduatin in 2 days so WHO CARES YA MAMAAA

and zizo... ziiiiiizzzzooooo where are those pics?! yalla b like D`n`G and post ur pics already.. otherwise am gonna hafta post the pics i saw on prof luqmani`s pc ;p

6:14 PM  
Blogger Faith said...

awwwwwwww lillllllliie...7ayati wallah...i've always said you were tough on the outside and gentle on the inside :D
yalla yam3wada..finish these years, HAVE FUN...and you'll be back home! as long as you have me you'll be okay

kafee dala3...we all know im the onlyo ne whos allowed to cry in public..

Imagine yourself, going to meet a few classmates, you arrive late, with red puffy eyes..everyone thinks someone died..they ask you..you respond "i ...watched..this really heartbreaking movie" and they proceeed to smack you upside the head :/

6:15 PM  
Blogger LiLaCs said...

jiji--You dont understand..I think one of the guys was actaully recording it all on his mobile...I left out my swear words though lol...
POST THE PICSS..POST THE PICS POST THE PICS..WOOHOO GO JIJI GO!!

YA WAAALAAAAD YA KHA6EER TWO DAYS WOOHOOOO...

Faitho--babes your just speical..You were made to cry..i mean you look GOOD crying..
Dont go telling people I have a gental heart..my god..:P Its not the reason anyway..The thought of living without someone else doing my laundry and packing lunch for me was too over whelming...Besides I was leaving my mercedes behind..It was really heartbreaking..

1:09 AM  
Blogger sweeter_than_salsabeel said...

parting is such sweet sorrow =(

(shakespeare's still gay tho)

awwwwwwww Inshallah you get to go bak your mommy and family soon!!!

hheheh.... I don't think I've cried in public since I was a baby... I only cry when I'm alone, or in front of those that I'm really close too....... I think sometimes I hide my emotions too well.... not gooodd!! It's great to cry sometimes, sometimes a good cry is what brings us back to reality and gets us through things!

xxxxxxxx
fatemah

1:10 PM  
Blogger Tinkerbell said...

u poor thing :( wala 7adech kesarty khaaa6ry..u soooo reminded me of myself though..i would cry EVERYTIME i had to leave for the states..call my parents 6 times a day saying i wana come back until i finally packed my bags and showed up at the door :P all i can say is hang in there and let us know if there's anything we can do to make u feel less homesick

3:05 PM  
Blogger LiLaCs said...

Sweeeeets--Dont give me a lecture..Your still a kid...I should be giving you a lecture:P:P:P:P:P

And yea keep it up with hiding your emotions!!!

tinkerbell--Sooooooo sweet of you darlin!!!!!! SEE SOME PEOPLE THIS IS A NICE COMMMENT LEARN **Im really meaning one person, I think we all know who he is:>** I think Im getting pretty good with the homesickness..But everyonce in awhile I feel iranian bread..With puck cheese and mint...And cucumbers**tears up** Tinkie tinkie me wannnnt sandwich now!!!Send it by ups..Or Fedex..

3:36 PM  
Blogger N.A. said...

That's just a heart throbbing moment. akh!

Parting makes me nauseous, so I used to leave the country with an empty stomache at the end of every summer and christmas holidays.

pssst, your a funny writer! (refering to your previoius posts)

4:08 PM  
Blogger Tinkerbell said...

i know what u mean! i had mama send me pizza qaisar, kitko and kdd juice :P mako arabic stores over there? they usually have puck cheese and stuff..i'll work on the irani bread though ;)

4:27 PM  
Blogger LiLaCs said...

n.a---hala wala to my blog;) Im glad you find my writing funny! I Like you already:P
Parting does wrench the heart..but I learned my lesson..FEEL NOTHING!! lol:P

Tinkie--They have arabic stores!! they do I mean we do..Its just that it doesnt taste the same without the irani bread...**mouth watering**OOoooOOOhh AND I miss the kanafa!! SoooOOooooOOooOooo much!!! Send that over too please:P

4:44 PM  
Blogger Tinkerbell said...

afa 3alaich just send me ur adress :) anything for a starving homesick q8i!

5:06 PM  
Blogger LaiaLy_q8 said...

ok i couldn't finish the post because i started to cry bss i would like to say that i have been there

7:09 PM  
Blogger LiLaCs said...

Tinkie tinkie--Suuuuugarrrr ttttyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!

laialy--**snifes**Be a man!!! Finish it:P:P:P Im sure you have been there..Suck ass eh?

10:09 PM  
Blogger Wilted_Roze said...

OMG *SNIIIIIFFFFF* I feeeel u really but the other way around hehehe I didnt want to leave Canada to go to kuwait.

( wilted-roze Stupied masscara smuges cover girl sayed water profff)

2:51 AM  

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