Lost...

Placing his palm against her wet cheek she noticed how his girly lashes, which she was always envious of, cast long shadows across his smooth cheeks. His bark brown hair was swept away from his face showing the long scar he had on his forehead. She traced the scar with her finger lingering on the edge of it, leaning closer she placed a butterfly light kiss on his scared forehead. He can’t leave me, she angrily told herself for the hundredth time. “How am I supposed to live without you?” she asked her voice barely above a whisper.

Growing up together she remembered all the times she cried because of him, all the times she laughed with him, all the late night hours that were spent head against head plotting to take over the world. All their secret handshakes and vows of secercy. Her earliest memories had included him. They had gone to school together, gotten in trouble together and fought constantly.

She moved the worn hospital sheets higher over his shrunken chest. Was it really year since she had seen him last? How could she have allowed them to grow so far apart?
“How is it that I had forgotten his goofy grin when he did something stupid? Or that he had grown fond of classical music? Or that he still favored green olives over black olives?” She scolded at her hands. When had it happened? When had they reached the stage where they were no more then casual strangers? How did it end like this? Why wasn’t she aware of him drifting apart? Or was it me? Had I drifted away from his reach?

She is as much to blame as he was. She had allowed them to become strangers. She had excluded herself from him and what he had become. She didn’t try to help him. She looked the other way, she pretended nothing was wrong. She didn’t confront him, it was an unwritten rule, they never talked about him and what he does. She, who usually speaks her mind, left one of the only people she loved to throw his life away.

Looking at his sculpted face, she wondered if he ever wanted to talk and she didn’t give him the time of day. When had she become so bloody selfish? Had he tried to tell her? Had he tried to ask her help? Had she turned her back on him when he wanted her to give him a hand? She moved her hand over the face that millions had adored over the past couple of years. She tried to block the thought of never seeing his wide hazel eyes light up with mischief.

She bit down on her lip to hold back a sob with one hand holding his hand tightly the other clutching the bed sheets. Why? Why did this happen to him? How can this happen to him? Why wasn’t I there?

She looked at him through blurry eyes, whispering,” Can you ever forgive me? Can you ever look at me without saying why weren’t you there for me? Can I ever forgive myself?” She felt his index finger twitch; she looked down at their interlocked hands. She lifted their hands and kissed his . “I love you” she admitted with swollen closed eyes .

She was jolted back to reality when a hand was laid on her shoulder.. She wasn’t in the hospital room by herself anymore; she was surrounded by four doctors and three nurses. They were moving frantically and barking numbers and figures that meant nothing to her. She was detached from him and pushed to the back of the room as if in a trance. She looked on as they uncovered his chest and tried to force his suddenly dormant heart to beat once again..She watched the monitor showing some sign of life..She watched as it showed a straight line. She watched as the doctors one by one gave up..She watched as they looked at her blankly. She watched as one of the nurses covered the body and head of her now dead brother......