Sunday, April 09, 2006

My Daddy Dearest

**Ina shaky ina ilbaki ina il7asaas**(my phone ring)
I rub my eyes and blink a couple of times then start the search for my phone..The caller was very very very persistant. Poor Aljasmy 6ah min ilsana wisla his poor throat went sore till I found the phone which was inside a pillow cover.How it got there dont ask.So I flip it open and press the talk button..

"Allo"I say yawning
"Baba Mariam sheelonich"
I am suddenly wide awake, I pull the phone away from my ear and look at the caller id..Kuwait..Terrific..
"Dadddy!! wasssup?"I say as clearly as I can.
"Zain allhumdullah inti shlonich shlon Hussien?"my dad says sounding right next door.
"We are doing great daddy"I said growing more suspicious by the minute

My father does not call..Ever..You call him and you grovel and beg for his reda..And the weirdist thing was that he was..NICE..To me..

So deciding to be the aggressor in this converstation and taking full advantage of his sudden niceness "Daddy what do you want?" I ask as sweetly and as innocently possible.

"La walshi I just wanted to see how you kids are doing"he replies innocently
The fishy smell just hit the 10 on my meter of suspicion.

"Baba, habibi inti wallah thank you for calling but its 3 in the morning"I said trying really really hard not to sound annoyed.

"Laah"He says shocked,"Its 5 I wanted to wake you up for fajar prayer"
I stare at my ceiling "Baba habibi its 3 oh 4 to be exact"I reply
"No No its 5, Im sure"He insists
I run my hand over my face,"No daddy its 3", and as if to prove the fact to myself I look into the screen on my cell and my alarm clock.
"Moosta7eel..Its 5"he says..A slight pause follows where I try not to fall a sleep. I hear my dad trying to get a deal for some wooden planks when his voice comes back.
"Baba Mariam you right its 3 at your time Im sorry thought it was 5, "He sasy sheeplishly
I nod my head satisfied and say"Its ok daddy"
"Don't go back to sleep go open a book and study before praying and make yourself and your brother breakfast" He orders
Agian I pull the phone away from my ear and stare at it bewildered..I wasn't sure if he was kidding or not..
So I do the safe or so I thought so at the time..I laughed..Not my usual hyena laugh but more like a giggle..Obviously that didn't please my dad
"Baba Mariam why are you laughing is someone tickling you?"He asked unamused
"huh? laa laa no no of coures not I will go put some tea on the stove and get my chem out"I say sounding like an angelic girl.
"Sha6rah I want those A's"
I nod and try to supress another laugh..A's yea right in my dreams...
"Baba Mimi"He asks too offhandedly..

Ok two red lights here..First his offhanded manner my father if anything is NOT offhanded his everyword has a direct meaning..Second he called me Mimi..NEVER calls me mimi unless he wants something...

I take a deep breath and plant a sweet smile on my face,"Yes daddy"
"I had an offer for you last week"He says as if he was discussing which shirt would match his navy pants he wanted to wear.

I try not to gag and reply"Dadddddy nooo way!!!Omg!!!Omg!!Who is it? Do I know him??"I say in sarcasticly. Obviously he didnt hear the sarcasm....
"No you don't know him but he comes from a good family,good education,blah,blah,blah,"He went on and on with the guy's attributes..

I put my hand on my mouth and tried to contain my laugh..I started comparing this supposed catch with my laptop..My laptop won..
"Baba Mariam are you there?"My father asks pleased with himself.
"Yea daddy Im here your not serious now are you?"I ask in amazment
"No no Im not I just thought you should know, you think about it and I'll call you back"He rushes"Yalla Marioom go study" He hangs up before I have a chance to say goodbye.

I stare at the phone then prop myself onmy pillows and wait for the next phone call that I know will follow.. True enough 10 minutes later the phone rings.
"Hala hayeti"My mom's voice comes through sweetly
"Hi mommy shlonich?"Whats up with your husband?"I ask annoyed,"I thought we had already discussed the marriage issue"
My mom lets out an infectious laugh,"Mama marriooma you know your dad, don' take it to heart"
"He woke me up"I say pouting
"Im sorry habibiti you go back to sleep"She says diplomaticly
"he said I had to go study and make breakfast"I say getting into the complaining mode
"He didn't mean it you study after fajr baby and go get breakfast from tim hortons"She replys placidly
"He is going to make me marry a loser"I say now in a totally whinny voice
"No of coures not,Marioom you know he wont do that"she says half laughingly
"If you don't want to marry you won't have too ok hayeti?"She asks lovingly
"Yes mommy"
"Now go back to sleep sweetie and have fun in uni"
"Yes mommy, I love you"I said pacified
"I love you too"


Blogger Faith said...

SHNO OFFER? WAYN GA3DEEN? you're not a car!
No one is taking you from meeee

11:24 PM  
Blogger Faith said...

SHNO OFFER? WAYN GA3DEEN? you're not a car!
No one is taking you from meeee

11:24 PM  
Blogger LiLaCs said...

lmao...Babe my parents dont know about US..But we will break it to them..Sloowlyy..

11:45 PM  
Blogger BlueFox said...

OY!! who the hell is this? Habibti, you're cheating on me?? The divorce papers aren't even finalized!! Wait..were we or weren't we married...khalas..I've moved on to greener, well, darker, taller and more masculine pasture...btw, I expect alimony!

1:45 AM  
Blogger LiLaCs said...

lmao..Blue I have NO commitments..None I cant take them you know that..Take us as an expression of something aight? Im broke I cant afford a smoothie and you want alimony? Go talk to my dad..;)

11:29 AM  

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